Breakup Pain Is Real In Reality
Oleh: Rafaeil Bahri
Penyunting: Harith Ashyraf
Love is like gambling. We can see that there are people that happy with it, but there are also people that suffered with it. Recently, it has been talk in town for all social media user about the breakup relationship of instafamous Sharifah Rose and Aazied Khalid which is a step-son of Malaysia number one singer, Datuk Sri Siti Nurhaliza. They both deleted all the post together in Instagram and stopped following each other. The phase after the broke up is real for them. Hence, they both suffered from it.
Of all possible losses, a breakup can be the most difficult to grieve in live. It is more complicated than the death of a spouse. When a partner dies, we are forced to accept that we cannot bring him back. The end is final. We clearly recognize that we can no longer depend on his love and support. Surrendering to this reality, we are fully able to grieve our loss.
‘To whatever degree we feel we were mistreated, we may continue to feel hurt.’ Feeling hurt is a sign that we have not yet fully let go of needing the emotional support of our former spouse. For example, if a stranger is rude to us, we care much less than if our ex-partner has been rude. Naturally, we have different expectations of stranger. After a breakup, it takes time to adjust our expectations from couple partner to ex-partner.
For years we have been giving ourselves, expecting to receive back love and support. To the degree that we have not gotten back what we deserved, a part of us is still expecting something in return. We may feel he or she still owes us. Somewhere deep inside, we are still expecting a payback. Until we give up depending on him or her, we will continue to feel hurt by him.
‘Feeling hurt after a breakup is a sign that we have not let go of needing the emotional support of our ex.’ Besides being a cause of discontent, feeling hurt is a clear indication that we are looking for love and support in the wrong direction. Each day we hold on to hurt, we are missing the opportunities that exist to receive the love and support we need. Letting go of hurt frees us to start over and find the love we need and deserve. As long as we continue to depend on our partner for emotional support, instead of healing our hurt, we will be adding to it. Emotional dependence is fine when the support is available. When our partner’s love and support is not available, we must let go of our dependance.
We cannot heal a broken bone if we don’t first acknowledge that is broken. By continuing to be emotionally dependent on our partner, we are not acknowledging the break. We are merely putting our feelings of loss on hold and denying our sorrow that we can do no longer get what we need from them. Although we may find temporary relief, we will eventually begin to resent our partner’s unwillingness to cooperate with what we want.
When our expectations are not satisfied and we feel hurt, we will begin to feel like victims. As long as we feel our partner is standing in the way of our happiness, we will continue to feel hurt by them. By becoming aware of how we set ourselves up to feel hurt we become free to change our attitude.
By exploring our hurt feelings, we are able to discern the victim attitudes associated with them. These hidden attitudes can actually prevent us from letting go of our hurt feelings. Instead of releasing our pain, a victim attitude reinforces the need to continue feeling pain.
