Men After the Move On Phase > Living Out Our Fantasies
Oleh: Rafaeil Bahri
Penyunting: Harith Ashyraf
When a man is ready to start over, often he will only pursue the women who fit his “picture”. Every man walks around with a picture in his mind of the ideal woman for him. Most of the time, the woman who turns out to be the perfect partner for him doesn’t fit his picture at all. She is a complete surprise. The divorce story of Malaysian actor, Fizo Omar and Mawar have been talk in town lately. Fizo, 34, now is a single father, actor and a successful businessman. He can be an icon for men out there who is facing the same situation as he can still be great after all. But what is the some more steps, maybe to be in relationship again?
When men only pursue women who fit their picture, they postpone their chances of finding the right woman. Quite often a man will go to a party and be turned on by a variety of women. However, he will ignore his feelings of attraction simply because a woman does not look the way he thinks she should look.
If a man can just put away his pictures for a while and date the women to whom he is attracted, he would have a much better chance of finding the right person. Instead of focusing on what a woman looks like, it is better for a man to focus on how she makes him feel. Physical attraction disappears very quickly. Passion can only be sustained when the attraction we feel is based on something more than just a woman’s physical appearance. A soul mate is someone we feel attracted to on all four levels of our being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. We are sexually attracted to her, we like her, we find her interesting, and we are inspired by her to be the most we can be. To experience a lifetime of love and not just a few weeks, months, or years, we must connect on all four levels.
I was surprised when female clients who looked like movie star and models would almost always complain that their boyfriends or husbands were no longer attracted to them. If they were not involved, they were often very disappointed by the many men who wanted them, but then quickly lost interest. This was not because they were not unlovable in any way, but because they had gotten involved with the wrong men. They were involved with men who were only attracted from the physical level.
If we want to be happy and well loved for a lifetime, the wise man doesn’t judge a book by its covers. Some men still have difficulty with this approach. They can’t bear to give up the hope that they can find the perfect woman who looks like a centerfold. Yet, when they get her, there is always some flaw that begins to stand out. Focusing too much on the physical will never be satisfying for long. The following analysis can assist a man to let go of his picture:
When a man look at an attractive woman, what makes her so wonderful? She is so beautiful. She is truly awesome to behold. Because of this, she makes him feel really good. She turns him on. She makes him want to touch her, and when he does it feels so good. To touch her excites him and excites her. This reflection demonstrates that what makes a man happiest is how a woman makes him feel. A man’s primary requirement should be how she makes him feel when he looks at her, not just how she looks.
Sometimes a man will hold on to his fantasies for the same reason he will cling to a past partner. He is attached. As we have previously discussed, to let go of his attachments he must fully grieve his lost. If a man is attached to a picture, it clearly indicates that somewhere in his past relationships he has not yet let go.